MARATHON MADNESS

London Marathon: Farce

Capricorn One: Inspiration

Orion Bag's Anonymous Source

CGI Scandal for one of BBC's last sporting events

Just as they seem to have recovered from the phone quiz scandals that rocked broadcasting in 2007, the Orion Bag can reveal that the BBC has resorted to tactics last seen in Capricorn One to ensure the survival of one of the remaining sporting events in their television calendar. We can reveal that The London Marathon does not exist.

After last Sunday's supposed charity epic, Gak 2.0 spoke to a source, claiming to be part of the giant Marathon fraud machine, taking a quick fag break behind their caravan HQ under Tower Bridge.

Bleeding Nipples

"Since the shots in the first few years of bleeding nipples and wibbly-wobbly-legged sweaties collapsing in a heap at 18 miles, there've been virtually no applications to take part."

"It's a big ratings draw for the BBC, so they decided to "fake it".

With a distinctive white quiff and speaking from behind large disguising shades, wearing a tattered T-shirt with a vintage "ITV World of Sport" logo, he continued:

"they wheel out the same footage year after year from the marathon in 1988. If you peer closely at the telly you'll see everyone has a mullet or is wearing a Bros T-shirt. They CGI in a few modern athletes but on the whole they're all from 20 years ago"

Potato

Millions of couch-potato sports fans tune in every year on an April Sunday morning to witness the sight of 1000 elite athletes and 34,000 hopeless huff-puffers drag themselves round 26.2 miles of the streets of London.

Tomato

Our secret source, continued:

"They spend two weeks cutting together unused footage from the eighties, and then on the day interview the 200-odd idiots stupid enough to show up and run the course dressed as a tomato or Darth Vader. The CGI work is pretty amazing. They've got Paula Radcliffe down, but her head is still a bit wobbly."

Our interview also revealed that the coverage is purposely made so soporific that nobody can focus on the screen for more than fifteen seconds without dozing off. They bring in Steve Cram and Sue Barker to ensure that everyone is in a trance within the first 15 minutes before the supposed "start" of the race.

Our insider added:

"In my opinion they should hand it all over the ITV and start up a Saturday afternoon sport's show."

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<div class='obsnippet' style='background-color: #fff; border-style: solid; border-width: 2px 0px; border-color: #306; padding:5px'><img src='http://www.orionbag.com/images/orbblog.gif' style='border-width:0px' height='30px' width='250px' /><div style='font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica; font-weight: bold; font-size: 15pt'><a href='http://www.orionbag.com/index.php?story=146'>CGI Scandal for one of BBC's last sporting events</a></div><div style='font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica; color: #000; font-size: 10pt'>Just as they seem to have recovered from the phone quiz scandals that rocked broadcasting in 2007, the Orion Bag can reveal that the BBC has resorted to tactics last seen in Capricorn One to ensure the survival of one of the remaining sporting events in their television calendar. We can reveal that The London Marathon does not exist.</div><div><a href='http://www.orionbag.com/index.php?story=146'>Read the full story here</a></div></div>
Preview

CGI Scandal for one of BBC's last sporting events

Just as they seem to have recovered from the phone quiz scandals that rocked broadcasting in 2007, the Orion Bag can reveal that the BBC has resorted to tactics last seen in Capricorn One to ensure the survival of one of the remaining sporting events in their television calendar. We can reveal that The London Marathon does not exist.

Read the full story here

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