This is an archive story from April 2007. For the most recent stories go here

A PLANET MOURNS

Boris: Now become bantha fodder

Vodka: Hutt's ruin

Tatooine: carrying on despite greif

Boris The Hutt Found Dead.

Tragedy unfolded on Tatooine today as it was declared that the well known social political figure of dusty backwater and galactic criminal breeding ground, Boris 'The Hutt' was found dead of natural circumstances.

Glasnost

By definition natural circumstances for Boris was a failed heart after consuming vast amounts of Vodka and parading around in front of stormtroopers declaring himself 'king of the Urals.'

Bless You!

Many believe he invited important social reform to Tatooine - a planet rife with internal struggles. His methods, although questionable, allowed once limited criminal elements to now stretch far across the galaxy - bringing illegally harvested cargo to reach to all corners of the Republic. In addition he effectively made Tatooine a no go zone for any but the most sturdy of Imperial troops - making it an impossible place for even the Rebellion to operate out of.

Perhaps he will best be remembered by the people as a fat, loathsome, slobbering fool who handed over power to the vicious vindictive gangster heir - Jabba 'the Putin' Hutt.

Vindictive

Jabbas well known methods already are being put to work and known opponents to his rise to power already have a price on their heads that every bounty hunter in the galaxy is seeking.

We at the Orionbag watch with sweaty palms clamped over our eyes - eager to miss the next twist in the fate of this massive, tragic planet.

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