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ROYAL TIME TUNNEL

Queen: Trapped in time

American revolutionary (artists impression)

"We can't take you anywhere can we"

Her Majesty's Queentum Leap

The Orion Bag can exclusively reveal that George Bush's so-called "gaffe" to the Queen was in fact a reference to a terrifying journey back in time taken by Her Majesty all the way to American revolution.

Black ops

When the Queen paid a visit to NASA on her tour of the United States, she was obliged to remove herself for reasons of state and accidentally wandered down an experimental space time conduit, or tunnel, as she searched for the royal wee.

In a flash she was catapulted to Boston Massachusetts in the year 1776, during the American Revolution. The Queen was captured by American insurgents and locked in an 18th century prison with nothing to eat but dead rats and tea to wash them down with.

Special ops

Meanwhile, back in the 21st Century, NASA scientists were able to pinpoint her location in the vortex. A crack team of US Special Forces were dispatched to overcome the muskets of the revolutionary guard and rescue the Queen. When that failed miserably a missile was launched back in time to blow a hole in the prison allowing Her Majesty to escape. Unfortunately, the yield increased massively in transit causing the rocket to stray off course and utterly destroy America's largest city New Croydon.

Special needs

Eventually, the Monarch escaped by picking the lock of her door, slipping through the front gate killing all the guards on her way. She re-appeared back in the present the day before her trip to NASA where she recounted her story to a dumbstruck Bush and then told it again to the President.

All parties agreed to keep the whole thing a secret. Bush nearly gave the game away in his welcoming speech. He gave her a conspiratorial wink to which, according to the media, the Sovreign replied "Wrong year" but in fact she said "You pillock!"

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