This is an archive story from July 2007. For the most recent stories go here

STAND BY FOR ACTION

"Keep your eyes peeled for anything fishy Phones"

Other limescale removers are available

Aqua Marina: Must stay at least 100 parsecs away from

Anything could happen in the next 300 words

As panic sweeps the nation following the devastating floods in northern England, concerns are rising that the evil Aquaphibians from the underwater city of Titania are responsible for the devastation.

The Aquaphibians have been developing a sophisticated weather control system and enormous bath plugs designed to flood Yorkshire. As the floods grew worse the atomic powered super-sub Stingray was despatched to unplug the North and restore dryness to that troubled region.

Live longer with Calgon

Stingray's Captain Troy Tempest believes that the underwater aliens have been watching us land-dwellers with envious eyes. "At first they were angry at our constant pollution of the oceans that they wanted to destroy us" he told The Orion Bag's intrepid reporter Gak 2.0. "But now they only desire our superior anti-limescale technology. The problem is, it doesn't wipe out limescale, only prevents it. They're too late!"

Beauty and mystery

Stingray's mute telepath Marina has already uncovered a ring of secret Aquaphibian agents charged with undermining the UK's disaster control centres and other infrastructure including, railways, the Health Service and anything else that we can blame on hideous underwater fish-men rather than ourselves. "It was tough tracking them down" she thought "Not as tough as convincing Troy Tempest that he's not getting into my knickers. Read the signs man!"

Sails home-ward bound

As the net closes in , the Aquaphibians are desperately trying to recall some of their top spies before they are unmasked. Former Prime Minister Tony Blair (resigned) was last seen stepping into a Terror Fish moored on the banks of the River Thames having just left Buckingham Palace. "What did you say to Her Majesty?" asked a well wisher. "I told her your planet is doomed. None of you will be spared!"

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