This is an archive story from July 2007. For the most recent stories go here

PRIME FEARS WAR WITHOUT END

Optimus Prime: Get a haircut ya hippy

6310: Face of the future

D'you know any John Lennon?

Industry in it for profit not for victory says leader

Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots has issued a stark warning against the dangers of an ever expanding military industry threatening to make all Transformers dependent on War.

Freelandertron

During his weekly Troncast to the nation Prime spoke of a growing military industrial complex which relies on war to sustain itself. As Cybertron continues the war with the evil Decepticons, the burgeoning arms industry becomes more entrenched into the centre of Transformer economy. Consequently citizens depend on continued war for their wage packets that provides a roof over their heads which transforms into a Luxury 4x4 at weekends.

Chestburstertron

"At the heart our great nation's economy is a welfare system where government contracts pay for more and deadlier weapons to fight our enemies the Decepticons" said Prime. "If the situation continues, an end to war will result in an industrial disaster as hundreds of thousand of Workertrons are thrown on the slag heap. Soon we will be forced to downgrade ourselves to the point where we will be lucky just to turn into a Nokia 6310."

Anti-war activist Lesdykatron applauded Prime's speech saying that it was an important step on the road to peace. "I dream of a day where Optimus Prime and Megatron will one day transform from machines of war into doves of peace suitable for everyone from 8 to adult."

Corporatron

Warmongatron, a spokesman for the leading arms manufacturer Mattelliburton, condemned Optimus Prime's speech accusing him of peace-nicking. "He's changed his tune pretty quick." he told the Orion Bag's intrepid reporter Gak 2.0. "When he was negotiating the price for 2000 plasma-mega-cluster-rifles he was a rousing marching band, now he's turned into a pair of beatnik's bongos."

Tron

Prime vigorously denies claims that is has transformed into some dope-smoking, oxygen generator loving hippy. "I am as mindless as the next killing machine" he said "I'm only saying that we seem to be locked into some perpetual war by forces only interested in making a profit out of our suffering. It's like someone is toying with us."

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