This is an archive story from September 2007. For the most recent stories go here

'FIND SPOCK' MONEY MISSING

Spock: Must find brain

Super-computer: Must Steriiliise!

Orion Slave Girl: Must stay at least 100 parsecs away from

I have been and always shall be skint

Billions of credits donated by concerned citizens of the Federation during the temporary death of Captain Spock have gone missing.

The money was part of the "Find Spock" appeal to help Admiral James T Kirk conduct a search for Spock's body after he jettisoned it. However, following Kirk's last minute decision to steal a ship of his own the whereabouts of the money remains a mystery. Spock died heroically while saving the ship and crew of the Starship Enterprise.

Spock's Brain

However, just before his death, Spock had transferred his brains into good friend Leonard McCoy's head. Kirk believes that if, by some miracle, Spock's corpse could be found on the planet Genesis where it was left, then the two could be reunited and Spock may live again. But Starfleet bigwigs refused Kirk's request to go back to Genesis calling it "an idea so stupid, not even Hollywood would accept it".

Not of the body

After that, Kirk issued a heartfelt appeal for cash donations so he could hire his own ship and return to Genesis. The response was overwhelming. Kirk received 25 billion credits plus offers of sexual favours from an assortment of exotic dancing girls, slave women and the entire population of Elron V who had been liberated from the brutal regime of a super-computer that had self destructed after hearing Kirk's impassioned plea.

30 seconds to space doors

Meanwhile, the effect of Spock's brain started to take its toll on McCoy. Kirk was obliged to take matters into his own hands. He stole the Enterprise and disappeared. Both he and his crew now face imprisonment, unless something unexpected happens to get them off the hook. Meanwhile, the money remains unspent, its whereabouts unknown.

Hoisting a flag

Spock's father, Ambassador Sarek, is the trustee of the "Find Spock" appeal and insists that the money is safe. "The honoured donations of the public have been transferred to the ancient and mystical Vulcan Market of the Future. It is a thing no out-worlder can know." he said in a prepared statement to the media. "There it will seek improvement while we meditate on whether it should be used to cover Kirk's legal fees."

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