This is an archive story from October 2007. For the most recent stories go here

PROPERTY BOOM

Sarah Beeny: Suggesting Improvements

Blofeld: Cornelius not Available

Tracy Island: Lick of Paint

Evil Overlords In Gazumping Frenzy

Market turmoil caused by the sub-prime mortgage crisis, and rising utility costs has led to a spate of evil villains having to tighten their belts and in some cases put their evil lair headquarters up for sale.

"Death Star"

Journobot Gak 2.0 spoke to aging supervillain Ernt Blofeld:

"Things are tough in the evil despot community at the moment. With an ever-increasing burden of employment legislation and rising oil prices, it is no laughing matter trying to run a secret lair and take over the earth."

he squinted.

"There are quite a few youngsters out there with memory sticks, facebooks and fresh ideas and quite frankly, I can't keep up. I've decided to up-sticks and buy a cottage in the Cotswolds. It does have a nuclear-powered microdisruptor in the basement, just as a hobby.

Moon Unit Zappa

Blofeld's actions have caused a scramble amongst second division baddies who have been scraping together cash from B-Movie crime to fund the purchase of their own criminal headquarters.

It is understood that Dr Evil has bought the Scilly Isles and is linking them all together with underground tunnels for no particular reason.

Willy Wonka has bought Battersea Power Station and is dropping his current sweets and candy line - instead producing lethal quantities of novelty cocaine that make a whizzbang noise on ingestion, turns the user's hands lime green and gives them unstoppable flatulence. He plans to bring the world's media and entertainment industries to their knees.

Julian Sands and Richard E Grant are believed to be clubbing their cash together to mortgage a small castle in the Scottish Highlands where they plan to don kilts and cast spells at each other. Or something.

Destruction Destruction Destruction

Property-improvement temptress Sarah Beeny has been in great demand. She commented:

"It has been a very interesting few months. Rather than pushing the benefits of a second bathroom, I've been advising on the best place to build the super-computer or satellite control device. I've generally advised against pirahna tanks or pits of snakes as these fads come and go in the supervillain community and these things can have a really negative effect on a property's value. Much like using too much bright colour in one's hallway.

One very nice chap, a Mr Zorin, even gave me a ride in his Airship. He did go hopelessy over budget with his renovations though, so with current market conditions, he'll be lucky to make back more than 300-400 billion dollars with his new I-pod brain neutraliser device."

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