FAKE SPACE RACE

Sputnik: Never Happened

Gagarin: Amazing what you can do with Photoshop

"Shoot 'em Up"

Russkis admit they never went into space

The Orion Bag has learned that the Sputnik satellites never went into space and were nothing more than Soviet propaganda and fakery.

For 50 years the Russians have been rubbing Yankee noses in the moon dust about the launch of Sputnik 1 into orbit. It was on the anniversary of that momentous day that the Russians chose to admit that they faked the whole thing.

Sputnik & beyond

"Da it is true" said Dr Jerzy Limbanski the former Soviet Space Project director.

"Ve made it all up. The Americans were talking of sending their own capsules into space and we were under enormous pressure to launch."

The scientists were anxious take an early lead in the Space Race.

"They say it is cold in space" said Limbanski "but not as cold as in Siberia."

The Russians also revealed that subsequent space projects were also faked. Yuri Gagarin was not a cosmonaut but a concrete-layer from Leningrad. The dog shot into space in Sputnik 2 was not a dog at all, but 3 members of the Dynamo Moscow Soviet Cup Final losing team of 1958.

Internships

What the Russians did not know was that the Americans were just as bad. Their satellite project was so far behind the Russians that they had barely got beyond preliminary sketches when the fake Sputnik was launched. Professor Ernst Von Cockgruper was in charge of developing an American satellite to rival the Soviets.

"Ve took zom footage from Flash Gordon Conquers The Universe and zat vos it" he said.

In fact almost all the space launches during the cold war were faked. The moon landing, Voyager and Saturn 5 never happened.

"It would be more accurate to describe the Space Race as the Special Effects Race." said a NASA spokesman "Don't act so surprised".

Where are they now

Professor Ernst Von Cockgruper was kidnapped by Mossad agents in 1959. He was found guilty of war crimes in an Israeli court and shot.

Jerzy Limbanski defected to the UK in 1964 and joined the BBC where he spent the rest of his career working for Blue Peter.

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<div class='obsnippet' style='background-color: #fff; border-style: solid; border-width: 2px 0px; border-color: #306; padding:5px'><img src='http://www.orionbag.com/images/orbblog.gif' style='border-width:0px' height='30px' width='250px' /><div style='font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica; font-weight: bold; font-size: 15pt'><a href='http://www.orionbag.com/index.php?story=111'>Russkis admit they never went into space</a></div><div style='font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica; color: #000; font-size: 10pt'>The Orion Bag has learned that the Sputnik satellites never went into space and were nothing more than Soviet propaganda and fakery.</div><div><a href='http://www.orionbag.com/index.php?story=111'>Read the full story here</a></div></div>
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Russkis admit they never went into space

The Orion Bag has learned that the Sputnik satellites never went into space and were nothing more than Soviet propaganda and fakery.

Read the full story here

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