This is an archive story from November 2007. For the most recent stories go here

MING THROWS IN THE TOWEL

Ming: Ousted

Charles Kennedy: Back in Shape

New Leadership: Watching Paint Dry

Leadership over in a Flash

Evil space despot Ming the Merciless, and ruler of the, erm, yellow universe has thrown in the towel after only 18 months in charge.

Flash, I Love You

Despite ruling his empire with a vice-like grip and being a ruthless dictator 8 days a week, he has bowed to pressure after a vindictive campaign by his younger, duller and far less glamourous colleagues.

Ming became disillusioned with Tyranny because of the media's total obsession with his age. Catching up with Ming at his Tuesday night Bridge club, Orion Bag's journobot Gak 2.0 obtained the following quotes over a brandy and Arborian Cigars:

"Well, it just got ridiculous - the media - they're obsessed with the trivial and completely ignore my political and dictatorial achievements. I vaporised a small galaxy last month and all they could ask was whether I had received my bus pass. I consigned the population of a whole star system to merciless slavery and all they were interested in was my Stannah Stairlift".

But we only have 24 hours...

Ming stroked his magnificent droopy moustache and continued:

"Politics has become all about image and media-savviness. I'm not quite sure how much more glamourous I can get, but I admit - all this red velvet and gold trim is a bit 1979. To be honest I'm quite looking forward to a nice grey cardigan and some comfortable slacks.

Also the double standards are amazing. Old Palpatine never gets any of this crap, and he's in his eighties. Just cause he's got a Death Star, everyone just sucks up to him. Stupid old duffer."

Mings departure has left a gaping hole and the battle is on to take over leadership of his diminishing empire and turn its fortunes around.

Unfortunately, all the candidates currently locked in their deadly battle to gain superiority are so interminably dull and indistinguishable that Ming's empire is likely to be destroyed by Laborusians or Toryisk invaders.

to save the Earth!

Their only hope is the return of former hero, Charles Kennedy, who has been kept in suspended animation (I believed pickled is the correct phrase) ready to restore order to the Liberalasee Community. We wish him luck.

Peter Duncan is 53.

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