This is an archive story from November 2007. For the most recent stories go here

ROME-ULANS

Romulans: Now back to the first course

The origin of the species

Roman phase

Romulans found beneath Rome

Milan 2356 - In what is believed to be the discovery of the 24th Century, real live dead Romulans have been found in an ancient cave in Rome.

Fossilised bones of Romulan warriors have been discovered in a cave beneath the Paletine Hill in the Eternal City. The ancient offshoot of the Vulcans were not believed to have settled on Earth but expert archaeologists have been forced to reevaluate that belief.

Throw me the idol

Admiral Dirk Malleable, Chief of the Starfleet Archaeological Operations in Croydon is amazed at the findings.

"This changes everything we know about the origins of ancient Rome" he said adjusting his holo-panama hat and phaser whip.

The Human name for Romulan is taken from the two home planets of the Romulan Star Empire Romulus and Remus which were named after the founders of the Roman Empire. It was always assumed that they were named by their human discoverer because he'd just finished watching the complete I Claudius box set on DVD and was going through a bit of a Roman phase.

You want chilli sauce?

As well as the remains of the dead warriors, there are ancient carvings depicting Romulans eating a dog. It is well known that dog is the staple diet on Romulus in the same way that Koreans eat guinea pigs. Given the legend that the original Romulus and Remus sought shelter in a cave and suckled a wolf for sustenance, there is a every liklihood that the Romulans could be entwined with the origins of the Roman Empire.

"We cannot rule out the possibility that that same hound was later eaten by those filthy Romulans" said Malleable.

Its all for charity

The discovery was made by drunken Starfleet Academy students on a Rag Week. The cave also revealed the body of a human wearing a English postal workers uniform from the early 21st Century. In his hand were two silver discs and on his face a look of blind panic. The discs contained a few personal details and some bit torrents of the last series of Battlestar Galactica. UK Regional Government officials have asked for it back.

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