This is an archive story from December 2007. For the most recent stories go here

BBC2 EXPLODES, DESTROYING LONDON

Hole: BBC2 Wednesday Nights

Frank Spencer: Rescue

Hayden Panettiere: Must stay 100 parsecs away from

Heroes vacuum causes chain reaction

The Orion Bag regret to inform you that next Wednesday, London, and possibly a significant amount of the home counties, will be destroyed in an enormous inferno.

The vacuum caused by the absence of Heroes from the BBC2 schedules will cause a terrible chain reaction as chasms appear across all network schedules causing all tellies to blow up, like an big atomic bomb.

Heroes

Sorry to break it to you, but we've been there, and its true. We spent an evening screwing our eyes up and managed to leap forward in time by a week and it really isn't looking good.

8 days from now, all that is left of the capital is a large crater that reaches as far as Gravesend.

Zeroes

A spokesman for the BBC has said:

"We're very worried. The last time we had a situation like this Life on Mars finished."

nervously adjusting his tie, he continued:

"On that occasion we were lucky and managed to repeat episodes of season one and nobody noticed. Also, BBC3 comes in handy as no-one ever watches that and it can act as a "no-viewer-anti-matter-sink" "

Cheerios

As season one draws to a close, the BBC have taken the unprecedented step of asking if they can borrow episode 1 of season 2 from one of those space telly channel. The channels have so far refused as they don't believe that the end of the capital of the UK is nigh.

Currently, the BBC's emergency plan is to show three episodes of Some Mothers do 'Av Em back to back.

Having seen that this does not work through time travel hi-jinks - we are recommending everyone:

a) signs up to SKY

b) heads for the coast, or

c) erm, unplugs the telly.

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