This is an archive story from December 2007. For the most recent stories go here

VADER CALLS CHRISTMAS TRUCE

Vader: Goodwill to all men

McCartney: Tragedy

Christmas Bauble: Suspicious

Womp Rat Tournament planned for Christmas Day

Evil imperial supervillain and all round bad dad Darth Vader has announced shocking plans to call a truce between Imperial and Rebel forces on Christmas Day.

It is a move reminiscent of when General Paul McCartney of the Third Liverpool Beatallion agreed to allow British and German troops to call a truce and play football in December 1914.

I have you now

At a specially arranged press conference on Coruscent, Vader wheezed the following:

"As a gesture of goodwill, following a difficult period of intergalactic warfare, the Imperial Senate has declared a truce of 24 hours starting at midnight on Christmas Eve."

Nervously adjusting his codpiece he continued:

"We suggest, in the spirit of Christmas and goodwill, that all our rebel scum, sorry comrades, let us know the location of their secret bases so we can come and play football or shoot womp rats, or something."

It's a Trap

The Orion Bag's secret source, a mole from deep inside the Imperial Empire's organisation has warned that all might not be as it seems.

"The imperial fleet have congregated in the form of a giant Christmas Tree - with the excuse that they're doing some festive formation flying. In fact they're going to swoop on the Rebels on Boxing Day and destroy them (and nick all the mince pies)."

We're Doomed

The announcement has been cautiously welcomed by Rebel leaders. General H. Solo commented briefly in an encrypted message on an illegal frequency:

"Smashing isn't it! I told you those Empire types weren't so bad. Its just been all one big misunderstanding since old Obi-Wan pushed Luke's dad into that lava. Nasty old business.We're making some extra mulled wine have got an extra hamper from John Lewis. I've heard that The Emperor loves egg nog".

I have a bad feeling about this...

There are signs that the formerly evil Imperial Empire has been getting into the festive spirit. There are reports that they've even built a giant Christmas Bauble with sparkling lights. There has been firm denials that it is in fact a masked replacement for their recently blasted Death Star (mkII).

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