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ROAD MAP TO WAR

Kree-Skrull War: Turn left for death

Hanger Lane: What is it good for?

Wait... this isn't Vauxhall Cross

Faulty nav sparks conflict

The Orion Bag has learned that the Kree-Skrull War began because of a miss-sold satellite navigation system.

Continue to the Planet of Doom

The war between the warrior like Kree and shape-shifting Scrulls has raged for centuries. It started after a Kree battle cruiser strayed into Scrull space. Political tensions were high at the time and the Scrulls attacked the ship.

"Apparently, our warship was told to take junction 45 off Hyperspace Bypass 21"

said Kree leader Ronan The Accuser

"The captain thought it was a bit strange given that there were plenty of signs and warnings that trespassing would result in centuries of bloodshed and strife but he ignored them all and did what the Sat Nav told him."

You have arrived at the Forbidden Galaxy

The ships destruction sparked the painful conflict which resulted in the death of billions.To this day Scrulls deny that they over-reacted. Indeed for many years the war was said to have started over some test set by the Skrulls for the Kree and a bunch of talking plants. Historians have dismissed this account as like something out of a cheap comic book (although the originals are actually quite expensive).

Please wait while we re-calculate your destruction

The story of the satellite navigation device (or sat nav as they are called for short) was kept a secret for years until our intrepid reporter Gak 2.0 found the original receipt while rummaging around the back of a branch of the retailer on Earth where the original device was purchase by Kree warrior Captain Mar-vell.

"Our existing navi was malfunctioning and our time warp was useless so I popped into the Halfords on the Purley Way to buy a new one."

he later confessed

"It was useless, by the time we broke orbit we'd been told to turn left into the River Thames and to do a U-turn on the Hanger Lane Gyratory System. What madness! We did it anyway."

Services half a mile

The device itself, a Herald Silver 2.1 was eventually discontinued following complaints from the survivors of the planet Garmin IV after Galactus, the Devourer of Worlds, accidentally consumed their planet.

"I was told to turn left at the Aldeberon Star Cluster so I did." he said.

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