This is an archive story from March 2007. For the most recent stories go here

ASTEROID HEADS FOR LONDON

Asteroid - Bad

London - Delays possible

Estate Agents - Prepared

House Prices Plummet!

The British government announced today that an asteroid the size of Malta is heading on a collision course with the Earth - specifically it is calculated - London will be the impact zone.

Extinction Level Event

The immediate effects are obvious - the impact will cause massive damage, death and destruction. Casualties within the impact zone, which at its central point will be the equivalent of 100 Hiroshima's - or one 'Goody-Feltz fall' impact - as analysts are now calling it.

But the major impact which many cannot begin to comprehend will be the effect upon the London housing market.

Rupert Smetherby-Simplewick Ghit, spokesman for the NAEA in London made a speech to the emergency conference in response to the announcement of the impending crisis:

"The news of this asteroid heading towards us is clearly upsetting. I would expect that there will be adverse effects upon the property market. Indeed we may even see the house prices in Knightsbridge and Westminster - where some of the UKs most expensive properties are - being brought down by this event. House prices across the UK could be hit by this like... like... a gigantic rock crashing down upon our heads."

Negative Equity

He continued:

"The government should take immediate action - I would suggest raising stamp duty levels - or possibly abolishing it completely in the long term and deregulating the industry of what little regulation there is. House sales are critical to the UK economy - if confidence falters in the market it is likely that the economy as a whole would suffer."

Ken Livingstone, commenting from a bunker somewhere in Scotland mentioned there may also be some delays to London tube and train services - but people should really appreciate what he has done with Trafalgar Square whilst it still stands.

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