PRICE OF PLANETS CONTINUES TO RISE

Ogrons: Unable to get on property ladder

Sontarans: Right old mess with the washing-up

Planets: Paling in significance compared to 'X-Factor'

Average alien forced off property ladder

Despite tumbling galactic stock markets, the price of planets continues to rise, writes Western Spiral Arm correspondent Jeek Ledwig.

Stuffed

'It's so difficult for us first-time buyers to get on the planet property ladder,' moaned Terry Longbottom, an Ogron, yesterday. 'Particularly now it's no longer 'politically correct' to simply invade planets. Frankly, us and the Daleks are stuffed. And I know a lot of Sontarans who are forced to share flats. The washing-up has to be seen to be believed.'

Fashionable continents

At the other end of the scale, even hapless quintillionaires are struggling to find planets they can pick up without breaking the bank. The Orion Bag talked to Andromeda estate agent Dave Drax. 'The market for planets has always been steady. After all, there are enough of them out there. But as the price continues to rise, less and less people can afford them. Mere continents have become really rather fashionable.'

Really rude word

Top freakonomist Dr Sly Penfold concurs. 'Sure, you've got up and coming areas like Sirius, and even some areas around The Plough have an attractive rural feel offering a good commute, but gone are the days when galactic fat cats would buy forty or fifty planets at a time and rearrange them so they spelt a really rude word to their competitors in the galaxy opposite.'

Significance of human existence

Meanwhile, far away from an infinite number of planets boasting an infinite number of wonders, back on Earth anyone doubting the significance of human existence will be reassured by the latest update on Britney's mental state and a succession of amateur singing competitions on prime time TV.

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<div class='obsnippet' style='background-color: #fff; border-style: solid; border-width: 2px 0px; border-color: #306; padding:5px'><img src='http://www.orionbag.com/images/orbblog.gif' style='border-width:0px' height='30px' width='250px' /><div style='font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica; font-weight: bold; font-size: 15pt'><a href='http://www.orionbag.com/index.php?story=144'>Average alien forced off property ladder</a></div><div style='font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica; color: #000; font-size: 10pt'>Despite tumbling galactic stock markets, the price of planets continues to rise, writes Western Spiral Arm correspondent Jeek Ledwig. </div><div><a href='http://www.orionbag.com/index.php?story=144'>Read the full story here</a></div></div>
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Average alien forced off property ladder

Despite tumbling galactic stock markets, the price of planets continues to rise, writes Western Spiral Arm correspondent Jeek Ledwig.

Read the full story here

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